I am a writer.
These are words I need to tell myself over and over again because almost everyone around me views my writing as this cute little hobby. Why? Because after ten years of writing fiction and various blogs I 1) not a single sentence from my fiction has been published and 2) I have never been able to gain a strong following on these various blogs.
Which begs the question, why am I starting another blog now?
Last year after almost four years of extreme writers block my mind was suddenly filled with stories. I let go of the goal to publish and suddenly the stories started to flow. Funny how something like the dream of making a living writing fiction can start to cause anxiety and doubt, which in turn causes the creative flow to dry up. It’s like a dam was built in my mind and all that creative energy was caught behind that dam, allowed to trickle out in short spurts or painstaking drips. It was, in a word, torture. I knew I could write. I knew I could tell stories. Maybe not well, but I was working on refining my craft so that each story, each revision produced something better than the one before. And I loved the process. Loved it! So to have it seized and locked away was torture.
When I let go of the pressure of publication and when I started journaling for myself, the stories started to flow again. Not quickly at first. And not fully formed like they had before. It’s different now, but the creativity, it’s there. So I started writing again. Pulled out my craft books and dove back into learning. And I told myself it was time to announce to the world that I am a writer.
Sure, I hope to publish. In fact, since I’m unable to work at the moment I kinda hope I can actually turn this love into something that can supplement our family income. But I also want to write for the love of telling a story. What I’ve learned over the past four years is that without the love of telling the story the story falls flat and the process becomes tedious. At least it does for me.
So this year I come fully out from behind my excuses and fears and declare that I am a writer and this is a blog about my journey.